If you haven't seen Liam Neeson in The Grey yet, here's the entire film summed up in seven seconds:

Liam Neeson does a great job as Abe Simpson, while Joe Carnahan's direction and the superb production design (they sound edit the heck out of that snowy wilderness) nail the existential despair of human survival. At one point Neeson snarls at the sky, demanding answers from someone. The Grey is bare-boned, brutal stuff that doesn't pull its punches. And it's as gripping as hell.

Go and see it now. You won't regret it:

"I just met a wonderful new man. He's fictional but you can't have everything."

There's something about the surreal tone of Woody Allen, that intelligent silliness, that often reminds me of Monty Python. But unlike Python, Woody's neurotic humour stems from the inherently bleak, futile crappiness of human existence. And, of course, most of the grief (as well as the good bits) come from relationships.

Indeed, for the most part, it isn't a Woody Allen film if two married couples aren't both having affairs - usually with each other. So, to continue this blog-along series with the BFI Woody Allen season, here are some thoughts on two films with particularly tempestuous relationships.

The Wrath of the Titans trailer has been unleashed - and it's got loads of loud noises and CGI, which should please fans of the first one. (Were there any fans of the first one?)

Sweet Dreams are made of this? Slow-motion action sequences? Colossal beasties being slain with a sword? Yep, Jonathan Liebesman's sequel is shaping up to be 2012's Sucker Punch. 

Read on for the full Wrath of the Titans trailer. I'm prepared to give the franchise another chance on a (very) dumb level. I'm not sure I really FEEL THE WRATH... although I do feel something around the 59 second mark, when things certainly start to look a lot more interesting. (Damn you, Rosamund Pike.)

"Fire the weapons!" "Which weapons, sir?" "ALL OF THEM."

You could be forgiven for thinking that line of dialogue comes from a good film. But it's actually from the first trailer for Battleship, Peter Berg's $200m CGI-fest about a naval crew who discover an alien ship at sea. Which then comes to life, changes shape and starts blowing a hole in the ocean.

It's supposedly based on the board game Battleship. It should actually be called Transformers 4: Row Boats in Disguise.

It looks like total balls, doesn't it? Amazingly, Liam Neeson manages to keep a straight face throughout - he presumably spent most of his time off camera laughing about the massive vat of money currently sitting under his mattress. As for Rihanna, no-one knows where she is (I'll take a stab at A, A, A1).

Battleship is out on Friday 20th April 2012. That gives them a long time to find an excuse for someone to say "You sunk my battleship!" during the film. That better not be the name of Rihanna's next single...

Folks presumably queued round the block last weekend to see The Adjustment Bureau, the film that suddenly EVERYONE was calling "Bourne Meets Inception!" since TotalFilm coined the phrase (which is pretty much meaningless) and someone slapped it on the poster.

Things got even worse when people started describing Liam Neeson's thriller Unknown as "Bourne Meets Taken" - presumably because it features Liam Neeson and involves someone forgetting something. In which case, you might as well call it "The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe Meets Memento".

But what if people don't want to see Bourne Meets Inception or Bourne Meets Taken? Never fear: you can describe literally EVERY FILM EVER MADE as "Bourne Meets" something. Just insert any word you want. Bourne Meets Casino. Bourne Meets Public Transport. Bourne Meets Cheese Sandwich. It really is that easy.

Here are a few ideas, just in case you need to describe a film to someone in the next week...

Director: Jaume Collet-Serra
Cast: Liam Neeson, Diane Kruger, January Jones, Frank Langella, Bruno Ganz
Certificate: 15

There's nothing quite like Liam Neeson killing people. From Taken to The A-Team, Liam's just really good at bumping people off. So it's great to see that, even when he suffers an identity crisis, he still remembers how to brutally pummel a man to death.

The excellent Edgar Ramirez is in talks for cinema-goers to feel the Wrath of his Titan. Which could be a nice new name for his penis after Little Carlos kept popping out in Olivier Assayas' five hour epic.

Toby Kebbell and Bill Nighy are also being linked to Jonathan Liebesman's sequel. I don't know what they call their manly parts. But I bet Liam Neeson's Mighty Zeus is bigger.

If you want to see more of Little Carlos, the DVD is still available in shops.

Director: Paul Haggis
Cast: Russell Crowe, Elizabeth Banks, Liam Neeson
Certificate: 15

"I'm Russell Crowe's Wife, Get Me Out of Prison!" doesn't sound like a film with much credibility. Indeed, Paul Haggis’ remake of French thriller Pour Elle occasionally lacks it in the script department, but The Next Three Days is surprisingly believable. If you can accept Russell Crowe as an English teacher.

Director: Michael Apted
Cast: Georgie Henley, Skandar Keynes, Ben Barnes, Will Poulter, Simon Pegg, Liam Neeson, Tilda Swinton
Certificate: PG
Trailer

Ever since Liam Neeson went postal on a bunch of Europeans, the world has been dying for a return trip to Asland. Lucky for Walden Media, C.S. Lewis wrote enough books to make several more blockbusters. Judging by Voyage of the Dawn Treader, though, it might be best if they don't do the remaining four. Or at least skip The Horse and His Boy.

What with the seasonal cheer and family planning, it's perfect timing for the new poster for I'm Russell Crowe's Wife Get Me Out of Prison! When else would people want to be reminded of the evils of jail, or the perils of jailbreaking?

From Paul "Crash" Haggis, this remake of the French thriller Pour Elle sees bumbling nice man John Brennan go all macho in his attempt to spring his wife from behind bars. Taking the advice of ex-con Liam Neeson and asking the friendly man at the local gun shop where to put the bullets, Brennan seems ill-equipped for the task.

But he has one secret weapon: powerful Death Ray lasers that come out the side of his brain. Or at least, that's what the poster looks like. Read on to check it out, or head over here to see The Next Three Days trailer. It busts into cinemas on Wednesday 5th January.