I finally got round to seeing The Iron Lady last night. That poor old woman. What a shock it was to see the truth exposed so clearly:

Meryl Streep is excellent, but the rest of it is slightly forgettable and a bit meh. Or, to combine the two, Meh-ryl Streep.

Now will someone please contact the police and warn them about Jim Broadbent's horrible exploitation of vulnerable, senile old women? I've phoned them several times already but they won't return my calls.

"Chapter One. He adored New York City. He idolized it all out of proportion. No, make that he, he romanticized it all out of proportion. Better. To him, no matter what the season was, this was still a town that existed in black and white and pulsated to the great tunes of George Gershwin. Uh, no, let me start this over."

It's impossible not to quote that monologue when talking about Woody Allen movies - and the BFI Woody Allen season doesn't disappoint. And so we turn to Manhattan, a location so adored by the director that it gave its name to the title of his movies. Twice.

"So, where was I?" And so Ricky Gervais returned to the 69th Golden Globes to joke about the Hollywood Foreign Press Association, Helen Mirren and Kim Kardashian. "You get Britain's biggest comedian hosting the world's second biggest awards show on America's third biggest network," he grinned, before going to give one of the gentler speeches of his career. He didn't mention Mel Gibson once (apart from when reading out the rules give to him by the HFPA) - and even had to turn to Jodie Foster's beaver for gags.

It was a pretty tame monologue for a fairly predictable awards ceremony, with the Golden Globes giving out gongs to George Clooney - and George Clooney - in their usual fashion. But The Artist emerged as the frontrunner, taking home three prizes: Best Actor for Jean Dujardin (and his amazing eyebrows), Best Score for Ludovic Bource and Best Motion Picture: Comedy or Musical. The Descendants dominated the dramatic awards, with Clooney nabbing Best Actor and Alexander Payne's film also awarded Best Motion Picture: Drama.

The rest of the evening was largely as expected, with Meryl Streep winning Best Actress for The Iron Lady and Michelle Williams crowned Best Comedy Actress for My Week with Marilyn (if ever there were a reason to have that drama/comedy divide, Williams' performance is it). 

Surprises came in the form of Best Animated Film, with Speilberg's Tintin topping Rango to take home the Globe, and Best Director, which went to Martin Scorsese for Hugo. A Separation was correctly hailed as Best Foreign Film and the delightful Midnight in Paris won Best Screenplay - two awards the Oscars will undoubtedly repeat - but will the Academy Awards follow suit and give Hugo's helmer the prize?

More importantly for Jessica Chastain fans (i.e. everyone), can Octavia Spencer beat her to Best Supporting Actress next time round? I hope not, although it'd be nice to see Christopher Plummer repeat his Supporting Actor victory - I still don't get this fuss over Albert Brooks in Drive. 

As always, the correlation between the two ceremonies is pretty haphazard. But one thing we know for sure? Johnny Depp hasn't seen The Tourist. Because Ricky Gervais asked him, right at the end of his speech.

Read on for the full list of winners - and to watch Ricky's opening.

Everything's coming up golden for Michel Hazanavicius' black-and-white gem, with The Artist leading the Golden Globes 2012 nominations list with a solid six. That's not bad for a silent film. In fact, it's flipping fantastic, earning nods for Best Director, Actor, Screenplay, Music, Supporting Actress and Best Picture - expect all those Musical or Comedy appendices to fully convert to straight nods at the Oscars - after its wins from the Boston and New York Critics, The Artist is now definitely an awards front-runner. Even more so than War Horse, which galloped into the Best Picture, Drama category as expected.

The only thing more predictable for the Hollywood Foreign Press Association was its undying love for George Clooney, with both The Ides of March and The Descendants getting their fair share of nominations. 

Surprises came in the form of Bridesmaids getting a Best Picture nod alongside My Week with Marilyn in the Musical or Comedy category - let's be honest, these subdivisions make even less sense now than they ever did before. Other nods, like Leonardo DiCaprio for J Edgar (reportedly a bit of a dud), are bizarre, especially when Ryan Gosling gets a nod for Crazy, Stupid, Love and not for Drive. (Apparently that bit with the hammer wasn't hilarious enough for Best Actor, Musical or Comedy.) 

More exciting than that is Kristen Wiig's Best Actress nomination. It's always nice to see my future wife doing well. Even better news is Brendan Gleeson's nod for The Guard - the kind of thing that I was relying on BAFTA to support, alongside Tyrannosaur. Could it be the start of some serious Gleeson awards momentum? Not that it matters, because Michael Fassbender is looking increasingly like the acting alpha male.

Otherwise, it's nice to see The Help get some attention and Rango easily deserves its animated nom (no Kung Fu Panda 2?), while The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo's soundtrack nod is a promising sign that Fincher's superb adaptation of Stieg Larsson's novel isn't completely out of the awards circuit.

But there are worse snubs. Take Shelter, Martha Marcy May Marlene, Tree of Life and Coriolanus all got left out, and you wonder why exactly th-- hey look, it's a tap dancing dog!

It's lovely to see that The Artist is top dog (sadly there's no Golden Globe award for Best Dog) in a competition that, along with Hugo's raft of HFPA adoration, is celebrating the old-school magic of cinema. But if period brilliance is the trendy thing right now, where are the nominations for Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy? 

And don't even get me started on why The Muppets haven't been nominated for Best Song.

Read on for the full list of 2012 Golden Globes nominations.

The New York Film Critics Circle jumped the gun today and announced its award winners for the year. And, inevitably, they gave the Best Supporting Actress award to Jessica Chastain (The Help). And Jessica Chastain (Take Shelter). And Jessica Chastain (The Tree of Life).

The Best Film and Best Director both went (in a rare move) to The Artist and Michel Hazanavicius, while Brad Pitt and Meryl Streep both picked up lead acting gongs. But while some results were surprising (Albert Brooks, Best Supporting for Drive), some brilliant (Best Non-Fiction Film to the Oscar-snubbed Cave of Forgotten Dreams) and others predictable (Emmanuel Lubezki, Best Cinematography for The Tree of Life), the main thing to take away from the awards is that Jessica Chastain is a formidable Oscars contender. But not as formidable as Jessica Chastain. Or Jessica Chastain.

And so it's official: the campaign for all three Jessica Chastains to take over the world, King Ghidorah-style, is well underway. 

Cower in terror at her triple-headed supporting prowess.

Just be glad she didn't win for The Debt and Coriolanus too. Then I'd have to think of a monster with five heads.

I hate to say it but when she doesn't have that Big Ben coming out the side of her face, old Maggie Thatcher continues to completely redefine the term MILF.

Would you vote for Meryl Streep? Would you?

Go on, admit it. You so totally would.

And The Iron Lady UK trailer is equally rousing stuff that looks to have a little more teeth than Oliver Stone's W. Read on for the video:

The Iron Lady teaser trailer arrived this morning on the BBC and the Guardian. Complete with Clint Mansell's music for Moon, it not only proves that Meryl Streep an eerie (and cartoonish) clone of Margaret Thatcher, but also that Mamma Mia's director Phyllida Lloyd is taking an interesting new direction with its source material.

As much as I approve of the awards-friendly cast of Jim Broadbent, Anthony Head and Richard E Grant, The Iron Lady is obviously nothing like the book. There's not even a cameo from Vin Diesel.

The Iron Lady is released in the UK on Friday 6th January 2012 - see The Iron Lady UK poster or The Iron Lady UK trailer over here. Or head this way to see a sexy Margaret Thatcher photo - he says, lining himself up for the dodgiest Google search results of all time.

We've all heard by now that Julianne Moore has been cast as Sarah Palin in HBO's movie Game Change. It's a film about her and John McCain's failed Presidential campaign against Obama in 2008, in case you were expecting a Fatherland-style look at a Tea Party-ruled alternate future, or a lesbian comedy co-starring Annette Bening (The Kids Are All Right Wing?).

But is Julianne Moore really the right choice to play Sarah Palin? Forget Tina Fey: it's time to use PURE HARD SCIENCE (and a website that does facial recognition) to work out the best mathematical match for Alaska's gun-toting governor...

Margaret Thatcher and Sarah Palin are the same person? ZOMG.	Her Royal Highness Sarah Palin? More like Mrs. Lovett's meat pies.	This would be amazing.
Francis is sadly unavailable, on account of his being dead.		Hermione Granger > Sarah Palin. Fact.

And now we've all agreed that Bob Marley should be brought back to life specifically for the purpose of using his reanimated corpse to do a Sarah Palin impression, let's work out who should play Palin's running mate, John McCain...

Pathe have released the first official picture of Meryl Streep as Margaret Thatcher in The Iron Lady. And I've never been more turned on in my life.

Loved Mamma Mia? Wished you could see another movie based on a popular pop group without containing any factual content whatsoever? Enter The Beach Boys. And Fox 2000.

Fox 2000 managed to outbid Universal to nab the rights to the Beach Boys back catalogue attached to a script from Erin Brockovich writer Susannah Grant. What the plot will be is anybody's guess. According to Deadline, "the story takes place in Southern California over a summer in the 60s."

So, to take the lead from that ABBA musical monstrosity, it'll presume revolve around something Sloop John B said about California Girls and how they give him Good Vibrations, which caused God Only Knows what terrible consequences for everybody going Surfin' USA.

Who knows who will direct this one. Hopefully not Pierce Brosnan. Maybe Zack Snyder will want in.