If there's one thing androids definitely don't dream of, it's Blade Runner sequels. Why? Because if Alcon Entertainment - the people responsible for The Blind Side - and Warner Bros get their way, Ridley Scott's sci-fi masterpiece would probably be turned into a rom-com with a hilarious incident involving a turtle in a desert. Or something like this...

We don't need a Blade Runner franchise - any of the above would be like making Citizen Kane 2: Age of the Dragons.

Besides, why would anyone want to waste money, effort and Harrison Ford's time with pointless sequels when they should really be making THIS:

Make it happen, people. And stop messing with Blade Runner. That goes for you too, Ridley.

The excellent Edgar Ramirez is in talks for cinema-goers to feel the Wrath of his Titan. Which could be a nice new name for his penis after Little Carlos kept popping out in Olivier Assayas' five hour epic.

Toby Kebbell and Bill Nighy are also being linked to Jonathan Liebesman's sequel. I don't know what they call their manly parts. But I bet Liam Neeson's Mighty Zeus is bigger.

If you want to see more of Little Carlos, the DVD is still available in shops.

It's been 28 years since we last saw The Grid, and plenty has changed. It's gone from hand-drawn effects over the top of black cushions to sexy, stunning and sleek. A lot is thanks to the CGI, which is genuinely impressive for most of the movie. But how do you go about updating The Grid? You can't just shut it down on Sundays and disrupt The Dude's weekend commute. Joseph Kosinski, Olivia Wilde and Jeff Bridges all sit down to chat about making Tron: Legacy. The costumes, the 3D, and THAT face...

"This just went from Mission Impossible to Mission In-frickin-Sanity."

No change in the dialogue quality then. Still, it's not quite as bad as Vin Diesel's promise to do one last job and then disappear. Forever. But cliches and bald people are what get Fast and Furious fans going, so Fast Five can't really be blamed for living up to expectations. Especially since they've now got The Rock involved - that's double the bald action.

Even weirder than that, Universal let Vin Diesel premiere the trailer on his Facebook page. Bet Paul Walker was jealous of that decision. He's back too, ready to burn rubber (and brain cells) in Brazil. Does anyone care anymore? And, more importantly, will F5 refresh the franchise? Yes, I take full credit there for the GEEKIEST JOKE EVER.

Fast Five is out in cinemas on Friday 29th April. Read on for the trailer.

It's here! It's here! Excitement over? Oh good. Now prepare for the shocking news: it's not actually half bad.

Rob Marshall's continuation of the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise had all the classic signs of doom surrounding it: it was in 3D, it refused to let a character die off gracefully, and it was following Pirates of the Caribbean 3.

But somehow On Stranger Tides sort of looks OK - Penelope Cruz turns up as a woman from Cap'n Jack Sparrow's past, there's some stuff to do with the Fountain of Youth, and Lovejoy (Ian McShane) jumps on board as Blackbeard. There is an official plot synopsis, and it makes none of that any clearer.

Keep reading to check out the trailer for yourself. (Warning: it does contain that tableside chat from Comic-Con, which is just a teensy bit naff).

Director: Joe Kosinski
Cast: Jeff Bridges, Garrett Hedlund, Olivia Wilde, Michael Sheen
Certificate: 12A

Ground-breaking is a word that gets thrown around like a frisbee these days. This sequel to Disney's 1982 effects-smashing Tron looks impressive enough to claim such a grand moniker, but it's duller than dunking a Digestive in a cup of lukewarm tea. Yes, it's shiny and yes, it's blue but the most accurate adjective here is soggy. If we're keeping with the biscuit analogies, that is.

There is clearly a global conspiracy to make me excited about this film. First the Tron Night footage, then my nephew colouring my BMX with fluorescent marker pens, and now the new Tron trailer? DAMN YOU, JEFF BRIDGES AND YOUR ARMIE HAMMER CLONE! 

Tron Legacy is out on Friday 17th December.

So apparently Warner Bros are gunning for James Franco and Javier Bardem to join the forces for Jonathan Liebesman's 3D sequel, Wrath of the Titans.

Yes. Wrath of the Titans. That's what Clash of the Titans 2 will be called. And it's a terrible name. Here's why:

TITANS. WILL. WRATH.

That tagline doesn't make any sense at all now. Another epic fail.

If you don't hear much from me this week, it's either because Momentum wouldn't give me a Skyline screening, or because I shot myself in the face after watching this. 

So that's the title of the third Batman film: The Dark Knight Rises.

So much for The Dark Knight Returns - clearly a better title. Nolan confirmed the sequel's name to the LA Times, also ruling out The Riddler as a villain. He also spoke about his determined dislike of 3D, and had this to add:

"We’ll use many of the same characters as we have all along, and we’ll be introducing some new ones". It's enigmatic as usual, but I'll forgive any director who not only makes Inception but also prefers IMAX to 3D.