00:44am

And we're under way! A bit late with the blogging, but we've been tweeting for a while with the sexy red carpet stuff - is it me, or is the carpet seriously sexy this year? Oh wait, forget that: it's Robert Downey Jr! He's sexier than any carpet. Suck on that, Carpet Warehouse.

00:50am

And it's hello to Gerard Butler! (Hello.) But screw you facial hair wearing man, here comes Jason Bateman. He's amazingly cool, even if he has done some crap movies recently. On Couples Retreat: "I kept getting dsitracted by the beautiful wwwlocation and forgot we were making a movie" - that explains a lot.

00:52am

"And here's the big man on campus: Jeff Bridges"

Whatever that campus is, I want to be on it. 

00:53am

"Have you written a speech?"

"I dunno, man."

Seriously, The Dude rules. 

00:58:am

"Look, it's Cameron Diaz waving!"

Wow, look! She has hands! And she can move them! I'm beginning to regret watching E! now... 

00:59am

"I would be so happy if there were another Shrek!"

I hope her hands fall off now.

I blame E! for this too. 

01:05am

Made the switch to Sky Movies now. Oh dear, these people are annoying.

01:20am

Switched from Sky to Youtube for a bit there - Hugh Jackman's glorious song and dance opener from last year was worth a re-watch.

01:30am

And here we go! All the nominees standing around! Then they sat down! Wow! What choreography. 

01:31am

And here's your host.......... CILLA BLACK!

No, it's Neil Patrick Harris. Random. But awesome. (Sadly he's not playing Dr Horrible) 

01:38am

So far, so average - script not great, but the double act's just about rescuing it. "Everyone says the same thing after Meryl Streep: can that woman act? And what's up with all the Hitler memorabilia?"

01:40am

Oh look, Mo'Nique actually turned up. 

01:48am

And now the Christoph Waltz award for Best Supporting Actor. Penelope Cruz's dress is held up entirely by her enormous breasts.  Suck on those, Isaac Newton. How do you like THEM apples!

01:50am

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR - CHRISTOPH WALTZ

First win of the evening! Christoph sings Quentin Tarantino's praise once again - and who can blame him? He's such a grateful and lovely man. With a beard to rival Hans Gruber. 

01:52am

A brief presentation for Best Picture nominee The Blind Side. Ryan Reynolds reading the autocue. "It's a true story... and as American as football..." Did he really just say that? "It sneaks up on you, so maybe that's one reason it's called The Blind Side" - erm. Yes. Because the title has NOTHING WHATSOEVER TO DO WITH THE FILM ITSELF.

01:54am

Back to Sky's studio. "I don't know what to say..." our hostess begins. Best not to start at all, dear.

01:57am

Now it's the Pixar Award for Best Animated Film. "When you look as lovely as Cameron Diaz and myself..." Steve Carell is brilliant. He should host this next year.

01:58am

BEST ANIMATED FEATURE FILM - UP

Pete Docter's shoulders are incredible. They probably came flat pack from Ikea. Still, short but sweet speech. Go him. And his shoulders. 

02:03am

Miley Cyrus and Amanda Seyfried, eh? Random double act to present Best Song. Clearly Crazy Heart should get this.

02:05am 

BEST ORIGINAL SONG - THE WEARY KIND (CRAZY HEART)

Ryan Bingham heads to the stage. No-one else seems confused by the fact that George Clooney was called that in Up in the Air. "I'd like to thank my wife, Anna." I'd like to thank her too. "I love her more than rainbows." I'm not so sure about that part.

02:06am

"You know what I love more than rainbows? Basically anything. Fuck. Rainbows." Alex on the Twitbook page there. Follow us over here.

02:08am

Ok, District 9 got a way shorter clip montage than the last Best Film nominee. But then, maybe that's why it was called The Blind Side. FUCK YOU, SANDRA BULLOCK.  

02:09am

"You're back with Sky Movies..." You know what, sometimes I wish I wasn't. "Up is the first animated film to win the Oscar in its first 20 minutes". That's partly because the rest was mediocre. And you're forgetting about WALL-E. That also won the Pixar Award for Best Animated Film. You know what? They shouldn't have won it this year. The Pixar Award should've gone to Coraline or Fantastic Mr Fox. Something stop motion-y and less conventional.

02:10am

Robert Downey Jr walks on stage. He's still wearing his 3-D specs from earlier.

02:13am

Tina Fey and Robert Downey Jr are hilarious. And now the nominees for Best Original Screenplay. Inglourious won't win, what with it's weak structure and pacing and occasionally poor speeches. I'm not saying Tarantino can't write dialogue anymore. I'm saying Brad Pitt can't read it.

02:15am

BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY - MARK BOAL

Is it plagiarised from someone's life? Is it not realistic enough? Screw all those critics; this script deserved to win. 

02:18am

A loving tribute to John Hughes now. Look at Bueller, now look at Matthew Broderick on stage - you can clearly see the sad truth: Matthew Broderick is turning into Bicentennial Man.

02:23am

John Hughes is dead. But OH MY GOD, MACAULEY CULKIN IS STILL ALIVE!

02:25am

Thought we were on a Virgin Media advert for a second. Oh no, it's just Samuel L Jackson talking.  

02:28am

"Please welcome Carey Mulligan and Zoe Saldana!"

I will gladly welcome both of them. Preferably into my room.

02:29am

Zoe Saldana. Part woman. Part cancerous peacock.

02:31am

"The best thing about short films? They're short." John Lasseter there. I always thought he was a genius. Not so sure now. 

02:36am

I'm beginning to notice a pattern here: short films.  

BEST LIVE ACTION SHORT - THE NEW TENANTS

First guy took so damn long speaking, his colleague didn't even get a chance to speak before the music. Sucks.

03:02am

And several weeks on from A Single Man, I can confirm this: I am still in love with Colin Firth. 

03:09am

Avatar wins Art Direction Because it was so artistic. And directed. Don't have time to read? Illiterate? Keep up to date in shorter chunks over on twitter. Alex will take good care of you. 

ART DIRECTION - AVATAR

Sigourney Weaver hands over the awards to the winners. "This Oscar sees you, Jim". Erm. Ok. This Avatar stuff is getting slightly freaky. Jim's well into it. 

03:11am

BEST COSTUME - THE YOUNG VICTORIA

Well, there you have it. Another win for The Young Victoria after the BAFTAs. Totally should've seen that coming - it's Sandy Powell's 8th nomination apparently. Well done for British films! 

03:16am 

Sky Movies chatting about the opening music number: "I think it was just an usher who got a rush of blood to the head". Erm, no. That was Neil Patrick Harris. He's, like, an actor. Do you think Mark Dolan gets paid to say these things? 

03:26am

SOUND EDITING - THE HURT LOCKER

Well-deserved win, there - excellently recreated war-zone environment. Bizarre to have Morgan Freeman explaining a techinical award for the audience. Actually, scratch that. He's probably explaining it for Mark Dolan.

SOUND MIXING - THE HURT LOCKER 

03:36am

CINEMATOGRAPHY - AVATAR

Now that was a wrong choice there: Hurt Locker deserved that one. Fake blue people? That's Visual Effects more than anything, surely.

And with that one going the way of Cameron, I've now got 7 predictions right so far. That's probably more than Mark Dolan. 

03:52am

And one impressive dance sequence later, we have a musical winner.

BEST SCORE - UP

In other news, we now have toast. Food keeps us awake.

03:55am

And now it's the Avatar Award for Visual Effects. Gee, I wonder who will win...

VISUAL EFFECTS - AVATAR

04:04am

And a couple of weeks after a killer whale attack, The Cove swims away with Best Documentary.

BEST DOCUMENTARY - THE COVE 

04:08am

BEST EDITING - THE HURT LOCKER

Well presented award, well deserved winner. Good stuff all round. 

Unlike the Keanu Reeves voiceover bit for The Hurt Locker's presentation bit. That was... textbook Keanu. I think he blinked once.

04:11am

Back to Sky's studio. "This is not telly. And we are bouncy and tired." Both of those statements are a lie. 

04:15am

And now to present Best Foreign Film... Pedro Almodovar and Quentin Tarantino! Weirdest. Double. Act. Ever. I totally would pay to see them have children together. I might even adopt little Pedrin Almontino.

BEST FOREIGN FILM - THE SECRET IN THEIR EYES

Whoah. Did not see that coming. What about White Ribbon? Or A Prophet? That was completely unpredictable. And serious credit to them for making an Avatar joke - thank you to Mr Cameron for not being nominated for Best Foreign Language.

04:25am

Well, here we go for the BIG ONES. Best Actor tributes paid by co-stars in a rather neat, if long, sequence. So who will it be? Bridges or Firth? Bridges or Firth? BRIDGES OR FIRTH?????

BEST ACTOR - JEFF BRIDGES

Well that was a let down. The Dude is awesome though - I can hardly resent him.

04:41am

Come on, Carey. Come on, Carey...

BEST ACTRESS - SANDRA BULLOCK

The winner there eclipses all the other nominees. Maybe that's why it's called The Blind Side, eh Ryan Reynolds? Screw you, Sandra Bullock!

"Thank you to everyone who was ever mean to me..." Ok, you're waffling now, Bullock.

A special thank you to Willem Dafoe for Speed 2: Cruise Control. 

Amazing that she got both the Razzie and the Oscar this year. Versatility, thy name is Bullock. 

04:52am

Barbra Streisand walks on to read out the Director nominees. "For the first time, it could be a woman... or an African American." Or it could be a white male. Again. "Congratulations to all of the nominees this year." Yes, well done for dominating the minorities for 82 YEARS.

BEST DIRECTOR - KATHRYN BIGELOW

Oh yes! Get in! Wonderful stuff. And the right choice. Kathryn gets a big smooch from Jeremy Renner. Wonder if Cameron's clapping. She's quite tall, Bigelow, you know.

04:57am

Tom Hanks reads out some autocue stuff about Gone with the Wind. Then, quick as a flash, he whips out the envelope and announces the winner. Barely any warning there!

BEST PICTURE - THE HURT LOCKER

And it's official! The Hurt Locker has officially cleaned up at the Oscars this year! And Avatar didn't.

04:59am

Standing next to the others, Kathryn Bigelow really does look like A GIANT. And James Cameron's 3-D box office record has never looked smaller.

05:00am

Well, that's it. The ceremony's over. The final score?

6-3 to the Hurt Locker.

And I think I got 14 right. I think - my brain is rather tired. But that's somewhere around 67%. On that note, I'm off to collapse. Thanks for reading and staying awake. If there is anyone out there. Anyone other than Sky Movie's Mark Dolan. He made it all worth while.