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| Beowulf * * |
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| Written by Ivan Radford |
| Friday, 16 November 2007 00:00 |
 Director: Robert ZemeckisA CGI romp through a motion-captured epic of England past, Beowulf is a novel take on poetry. Written in old English, the stanzas have scared many a scholar over the years. Now, though, we have Neil Gaiman and Roger Avary to bring it bang up to date. Throw in Robert Zemeckis’ modern technology and the kids are the ones it will frighten; with monsters ripping the heads off humans, this is definitely NOT a 12A film. And that’s without mentioning the naked Ray Winstone. Casting can be a tough dilemma. A tale set in the olden days? Why, we need a man who can be a Neanderthal without speaking in an old tongue. And so in walks Ray. Sword in hand, he swaggers up to King Hrothgar (Hopkins) to offer his services. “I’M BAY-WOOF” he thunders. The King smiles and introduces his crew. “My name is Unferth” says Malkovich, his virtual eyes looking dead and pale. “UNN-FURFF” repeats Ray. Bless. Then he spies the King’s wife, Wealtheow (Wright Penn). “BOO-TEE-FUL” says Ray. Then he takes his clothes off. Quite why he feels the need to fight every beast in the buff is not really explained. Perhaps it’s to rival Viggo Mortensen. Or maybe it’s to hide the fact that Ray’s digital alter-ego looks like Sean Bean. The hilarious result is that every time we might see his winky, a goblet or a spear magically pops up to obscure the sight. Meanwhile, Beowulf takes on the monster of Grendel, saving the village from terror. Only when he sees Grendel’s mother (a naked, bronze Angelina Jolie) do things begin to go wrong. He’s meant to kill her. Instead he shags her. The plot is really that simple. As events take a turn for the worse, the camera flies all over the place to keep us excited. Clearly designed for 3D, it turns out that there really is no limit to the number of objects that can whistle past our faces. Visually stimulating, this brainless tale has all the flair of 300, but less of the Spartans’ charisma. Instead, we get a Gimli impression from Brendan Gleeson, and lots of bloody violence. VERDICT Fun and dumb, Beowulf has enough novelty to carry itself along. See it in 3D if you can – if not, this will just fall flat. |
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