Michael Fassbender spanking Keira Knightley? It doesn't get more dangerous than that. But put Viggo Mortensen into the mix and you've got one risky (and, indeed, risqué) threesome. It goes without saying that it takes a truly crazy person to make a film about all of them.

Enter David Cronenberg, the madman who gave us The Fly and eXistenZ, as well as Eastern Promises and A History of Violence, a.k.a. them two films in which Viggo Mortensen takes his clothes off.

But how did it feel to take another man's clothes off instead? And where does Vincent Cassell fit in? And what on earth does the writer of the original play, Christopher Hampton, think of it all?

We hung upside down on the ceiling of the Odeon West End holding a dictaphone above a pool of sharks to bring you the life-threatening answers. Here are five dangerous notions we discovered at the A Dangerous Method LFF press conference:

Director: David Cronenberg
Cast: Keira Knightley, Michael Fassbender, Viggo Mortensen
Showtimes

David Cronenberg takes on Christopher Hampton's play about the birth of psychoanalysis or "talking therapy" at the beginning of the 20th Century. A hysterical Sabina Speilrein (Knightley) is dragged into a Zurich mental hospital, where Carl Jung (Fassbender) attempts to treat her with Sigmund Freud's radical new approach. Meanwhiel, over in Vienna, Freud (Mortensen) has yet to publish a case of treatment using his new method of psychoanalysis. It may or may not involve spanking.

Sabina seeks out punishment, deriving excitement out of it, while Jung seeks to cure her of it. (Note: At this point, there's no actual spanking.) Sabina, having assisted Jung in his clinical practice (still no spanking), then enrols in the medical school in Zurich with the intention of studying psychiatry. She does very well. Still no spanking.

The London Film Festival 2011 line-up has been announced - and this year I shall be referring to it as the London Fassbender Film Festival. Mainly because George Clooney already dominated the thing in 2009 with more than one film. And his name doesn't begin with an F.

Oh, and also because Michael will be naked for at least two films during the festival. Now that's something worth celebrating.

As we already know, the festival opens with 360, Fernando Meireles' feature-length sex roulette starring Anthony Hopkins, Jude Law, Rachel Weisz and Eminem. It closes with Terence Davies' The Deep Blue Sea, which stars Rachel Weisz (again) and Tom Hiddleston, but sadly no sharks.

Those disappointed with the lack of LL Cool J blowing up fish can take comfort in the fact that silver shark Clooney is still swimming in several seas. His political thriller The Ides of March (with the super-mega-hot Ryan Gosling) is making an appearance, alongside Alexander Payne's The Descendants. 

Literary folks will be looking Lynne Ramsay's way, as We Need to Talk About Kevin makes its inevitable arrival in London, while Andrea Arnold scales Wuthering Heights and Tess of the D'Urbervilles gets the Winterbottom treatment with Freida Pinto and the amazing Riz Ahmed. Ralph Fiennes' Coriolanus is holding Shakespeare's end up, while Roland Emmerich takes it to pieces with Anonymous, starring Rhys Ifans and David Thewlis.

And a special mention should go to The Artist, Michael Hazanavicius' silent film, which looks absolutely gorgeous.

But enough of all that, let's talk about The Fassbender.

The trailer for A Dangerous Method has turned up online and it's got me all excited.

A film about the relationship between Sigmund Freud and Carl Jung, two psychoanalytical professors who - according to factual resource Wikipedia - when they first met talked "for 13 hours virtually without stopping"? It doesn't sound that thrilling, until you remember the names involved. There's David Cronenberg, a director who's barely put a foot wrong in his mentile career. And there's Christopher Hampton, the writer who not only penned Dangerous Liaisons, but also adapted Atonement for the screen.

And then there are its two stars:

is FREUD

is JUNG

Reuniting once again with Viggo Mortensen after Eastern Promises and A History of Violence, Cronenberg's tale sees Freud and Jung smoking pipes, stroking beards, and occasionally doing naughty things to Keira Knightley. All of which begs the cerebral and intellectual question: WHEN WILL VIGGO TAKE HIS CLOTHES OFF?

Sadly, judging by the trailer, it looks like we have to see Michael Fassbender go all Swiss on mistress Sabina (Knightley) instead. Not that I'm complaining. After all, it's Michael Fassbender. But I'd bet my Oedipus complex that Viggo gets naked at least once during the film. The chances of Freud bending metal with his mind are obviously are lot smaller. Although he does spend at least 3.2 seconds of the trailer spanking Knightley's bum off.

A Dangerous Method is out in the UK on Friday 10th February 2012. Read on for the full Michael-Fassbender-taking-clothes-off. I mean, video. Freud would have a field day with that one.

Have you ever wondered what a spliced organism eats for dinner? Well, with Splice out this Friday, you won't have to wonder for much longer.

Vincenzo Natali's engaging sci-fi horror introduces the world to Dren, a creature bred from a mix of DNA, including human. But with wings, a tail and a disturbing appetite, it's no wonder she loves to attack people now and then. And you can see her do exactly that with a horrible new clip from the film.

Exec-produced by Guillermo Del Toro, Splice is a freaky and unique beast (review over here), which sees Adrien Brody and Sarah Polley push scientific boundaries way into messed up territory. But if science fiction's your thing and you rather like monsters, head over to the Newstead Pharmaceuticals website, where you can send novelty emails to your friends and claim they've been spliced.

Alternatively, check out the trailers in our video section, or just read on for the brand new clip.

Don't you love remakes? David Cronenberg's remake of The Fly, back in 1986, was wonderful, eclipsing the original Vincent Price vehicle with it's incredibly nasty effects and the harnessed power of Jeff Goldblum. Now, 20 years later, old Cronie is set to do it all over again - after Cosmopolis and Robert Ludlum's The Matarese Circle, that is. Fox are behind it, with The Hollywood Reporter suggesting that today's visual technology is probably the reason for it (I hope they don't consider 3-D).

I'm not sure anyone could better Brundlefly, no matter how big their processing unit. But hey, at least Rob Zombie's not doing it. After all, he only did Halloween so no-one else could ruin it.