Director: Bill Condon
Cast: Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, Taylor Lautner
Certificate: 12A
Trailer

After David Slade's solid Eclipse, The Twilight Saga begins to climax in Part 1 of Breaking Dawn, Stephenie Meyer's bonkers conclusion to her furry, fanged love triangle. A divisive book even among fans, Bill Condon's adaptation was always bound to draw snide jokes from the blokes in the room - a shame, as Meyer's central premise (a relationship between the living and undead) is a classic trope of the genre and one that, in its best moments, has all the poignancy and tension of Tomas Alfredson's mature Let the Right One In. Filtered through the haze of hormonal teen romance, of course.

Cuts are in the air as kids go back to school this September. But with education funding reduced and renovation plans scrapped, who do you turn to when your local primary or secondary has collapsed into a pile of rubble?

With its varied back-catalogue and comfortable seating arrangements, the cinema could well be your best bet to educate your offspring.

Nick Clegg can’t stop you seeing a film based on your postcode, and Michael Gove is all for people starting up their own state schools. Even Odeon’s website agrees: "the cinema can provide a useful and relevant study aid," it readily enthuses. Starting up your own school? Don’t use the chip shop – use your own home cinema.

When it comes to the national curriculum on a budget, you can forget the Three Rs. The letters you want are these: DVD.

Here’s a rundown of your basic introductory syllabus:

What with the horrifying Human Centipede hitting the cinemas and the recent release of Splice, I (as a research scientist) am starting to feel a bit persecuted. You may think I’m paranoid but more often than not, scientists end up as the bad guys in movies.

Whether we're villains with God complexes or clueless, well-intentioned beings who mess with things way beyond them, us test tube folk always get left carrying the buck. Especially when Bad Things Happen.

Researchers in medical sciences, and particularly genetics, seem to be the most likely to be given the Frankenstein (or "Harold Shipman") treatment. But is Hollywood right? Are we all horrible, heartless or just plain ignorant? If The Human Centipede is "100% medically accurate", let's open the Pandora’s Box of Hollywood’s past scientific failures and see just how accurate their "evil" scientists are.

Have you ever wondered what a spliced organism eats for dinner? Well, with Splice out this Friday, you won't have to wonder for much longer.

Vincenzo Natali's engaging sci-fi horror introduces the world to Dren, a creature bred from a mix of DNA, including human. But with wings, a tail and a disturbing appetite, it's no wonder she loves to attack people now and then. And you can see her do exactly that with a horrible new clip from the film.

Exec-produced by Guillermo Del Toro, Splice is a freaky and unique beast (review over here), which sees Adrien Brody and Sarah Polley push scientific boundaries way into messed up territory. But if science fiction's your thing and you rather like monsters, head over to the Newstead Pharmaceuticals website, where you can send novelty emails to your friends and claim they've been spliced.

Alternatively, check out the trailers in our video section, or just read on for the brand new clip.

Don't you love remakes? David Cronenberg's remake of The Fly, back in 1986, was wonderful, eclipsing the original Vincent Price vehicle with it's incredibly nasty effects and the harnessed power of Jeff Goldblum. Now, 20 years later, old Cronie is set to do it all over again - after Cosmopolis and Robert Ludlum's The Matarese Circle, that is. Fox are behind it, with The Hollywood Reporter suggesting that today's visual technology is probably the reason for it (I hope they don't consider 3-D).

I'm not sure anyone could better Brundlefly, no matter how big their processing unit. But hey, at least Rob Zombie's not doing it. After all, he only did Halloween so no-one else could ruin it.