"Fire the weapons!" "Which weapons, sir?" "ALL OF THEM."

You could be forgiven for thinking that line of dialogue comes from a good film. But it's actually from the first trailer for Battleship, Peter Berg's $200m CGI-fest about a naval crew who discover an alien ship at sea. Which then comes to life, changes shape and starts blowing a hole in the ocean.

It's supposedly based on the board game Battleship. It should actually be called Transformers 4: Row Boats in Disguise.

It looks like total balls, doesn't it? Amazingly, Liam Neeson manages to keep a straight face throughout - he presumably spent most of his time off camera laughing about the massive vat of money currently sitting under his mattress. As for Rihanna, no-one knows where she is (I'll take a stab at A, A, A1).

Battleship is out on Wednesday 11th April 2012. That gives them a long time to find an excuse for someone to say "You sunk my battleship!" during the film. That better not be the name of Rihanna's next single...