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Home Blog Features 25 film titles more boring than Arbitrage
25 film titles more boring than Arbitrage Print E-mail
Written by Ivan Radford   
Tuesday, 26 February 2013 07:30

Arbitrage - the world's most boring film title?

This Friday, a film called Arbitrage is released in the UK. No, wait. Don't stop reading because of the word arbitrage. Here, have a handy quote from Wikipedia to explain what it means:


In economics and finance, arbitrage is the practice of taking advantage of a price difference between two or more marzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.


Yeah, there's no getting round it. Nicholas Jarecki's thriller - boasting a fantastic performance from Richard Gere and Brit Marling - is great at dealing in shades of grey, moral ambiguity and the ever-turning wheels of power in America, but when it comes to the title, it's duller than organic dishwater sold in the rice cakes aisle of Waitrose. (It's even less exciting than the name of Futurama's fictional nominee at the 1074th Academy Awards, "How Beige Was My Jacket".)


But don't write the film off just because of one word: underneath that horribly abstract, uninspiring noun is a genuinely interesting, if flawed, movie. (Don't believe me? Read my full Arbitrage review from the Glasgow Film Festival).


Besides, there are loads of films with more boring titles than Arbitrage. To prove it, here are 25 of them:

 

Traffic

What it sounds like

A journey home on the M25.

Possible tagline

Cars. Will. Queue.

 

Trainspotting

What it sounds like

A guy standing at a railway station with a notepad.

Possible tagline

In a world full of trains, only one man could spot them...

 

Waiting…

What it sounds like

A crap rip-off of Waiting for Godot

Possible tagline

90 minutes and counting...

 

Triangle

What it sounds like

An educational video for Key Stage 3 maths

Possible tagline

Circles are for pussies.

 

The Happening

What it sounds like

A bad film.

Possible tagline

Things. Will. Happen.

 

Jumper

What it sounds like

A documentary about chunky knitwear.

Possible tagline

Roll neck or turtle neck?

 

Knowing

What it sounds like

A self-help video by that guy from Donnie Darko.

Possible tagline

I'M NOT AFRAID ANY MORE!

 

Exam

What it sounds like

90 minutes of silence in a secondary school gym.

Possible tagline

No calculators allowed.

 

Signs

What it sounds like

A documentary about road signs.

Possible tagline

Speed limits are just the beginning...

 

Somewhere

What it sounds like

A film about a man trying to find out where he is. (Spoiler: He never does.)

Possible tagline

Somehow.

 

Dave

What it sounds like

Two hours of people talking about UK Gold's popular TV channel.

 

Possible tagline

UK Gold: The Movie.

 

The Postman

What it sounds like

A serious movie adaptation of the kids book, The Jolly Postman.

Possible tagline

He left a note because you weren't in.

 

The Shipping News

What it sounds like

The shipping news.

Possible tagline

Visibility good becoming very poor.

 

Changing Lanes

What it sounds like

An instructional video on the correct driving etiquette for UK motorways.

Possible tagline

Because road safety is important.

 

Michael Clayton

What it sounds like

A BBC Four profile of the most boring man to have ever walked this planet.

Possible tagline

Best. Insurance. Salesman. Ever.

 

 

Conversations with My Gardener

What it sounds like

A series of conversations with someone's gardener.

Possible tagline

The geraniums are pretty this morning.

 

The Constant Gardener

What it sounds like

The tragic story of a man who can't stop gardening.

Possible tagline

Put. The. Shears. Down.

 

Claire's Knee

What it sounds like

An instructional video for trainee doctors.

Possible tagline

The popular sequel to Claire's Elbow.

 

My Left Foot

What it sounds like

Another instructional video for trainee doctors.

Possible tagline

It's not his right foot.

 

Riding The Bus with My Sister

 

What it sounds like

Someone's YouTube diary, shot with an iPhone.

Possible tagline

The train was full.

 

Diminished Capacity

Possible tagline

He used to have full capacity - until something changed...

 

A Good Year

Possible tagline

Nothing ever went wrong for Max... No, really. Ever.

 

Everybody's Fine

Possible tagline

The end.

 

Ordinary People

What it sounds like

The worst X-Men rival ever made.

Possible tagline

The true story of people who never did anything interesting ever.

 

 

The Shop Around the Corner

Possible tagline

There's no need to take the bus!

 

 

So what have we learned? If you're naming your film, avoid body parts, abstract nouns, or anything to do with road-based transportation. And whatever you do, don't mention gardening.